Im learning what it means to breathe. I didnt realize how often I held my breath.
Yesterday, I drove 30 minutes to a north Indy suburb to grocery shop at Trader Joes and Costco with my two small children, We made it through Trader Joes in 30 minutes, I loaded the kids and food into the car and headed to Costco. I knew my time at Costco was limited with the 90 degree weather and the frozen food I had in the car. I also knew my kids would begin to fall apart as we neared lunch and nap time. I was a woman on a mission. With my list in hand, we made it through the store and check-out in 20 minutes. The kids were starting to whine, but I was feeling rather accomplished to have been so efficient. But with the nearly $150 worth of stuff loaded in my cart, the cashier informed me that my bank debit card had expired. And she wasnt kidding. Frantically I looked for another way to pay, but with no check book or American Express card, I was stuck. "VOID on aisle 5!" I wanted to kill her. I was swearing under by breath as I grabbed the kids and headed, very embarrassed, to the car.
"Mommy you forgot the food!!!!" Jonas kept saying.
Luci was crying.
I called AJ to vent. Bad idea. Now he was stressed out too.
I should have been breathing, but I couldnt. "Lord why!?"
We drove home, I made lunch, read books, and put the kids in bed for a nap. I had a lot to do, things I wanted to check off my list. But I knew I needed to collect myself. I sat down and opened up my bible to pick up on where I had left off in Genesis. The Isrealites in the desert. They were whining and complaining. "Where is God now?"And then Manna fell from heaven. It fell on them, nourished them, and came each day, just at the right time.
Now I could feel myself relax a bit. I was breathing in deeply. Breathing in truth. Why dont I received these breathes more often. Friday at yoga class is not enough. God is waiting to give me nourishment at a moments notice if I would receive it. The breathe flows in and enters every place. And every situation.
Im learning. Slowly.
3 comments:
I hate when things like that happen! Sometimes breathing is all that gets me through the day. And laughing.
found your blog; thanks for the link! And nienie's too!
My mother-in-law has this saying, "Just breathe." As simple as it sounds, it is profound.
Good post, Jen. I can relate to it a lot these days. Especially when my attitude and the girls whines just seem to snowball into something not good.
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